I went Salzburg Austria, birthplace of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and the setting for the musical "The Sound of Music". It was Mozart's 250th birthday and they had really overdone it. It was like Mozart had thrown up all over the town. The house he was born in was a museum, the house his family lived in was a museum, and the house he lived in as an adult was a museum. Amazing how many of his and his family’s personal affects they had preserved. Locks of hair, clothes, childhood toys, furniture, dirty diapers, OK now I am exaggerating but not by much.

There is a Sound of Music tour that takes you to the house that was used as the Von Trapp’s home, the convent, the cemetery, and then they let you put on Heidi dress and run around the hills with a guitar case singing the theme to the Sound of Music, OK that parts a lie but it would have made a great picture. Actually it is kind of cheesy but very popular with Americans who make the pilgrimage to Salzburg to experience what was such a happy memory from their childhood. The funny thing is that most Austrians have never seen “The Sound of Music” so they have no idea what the big deal is. Actually they don’t really like the fact that most Americans have formed their view of Austria and its people from a Disney movie.

Now don’t get me wrong, the Austrian men are real quick to jump into a pair of Lederhosen and chug down copious amounts of beer, which is no myth. But most Austrians have never heard the song Edelweiss which I found odd. Based on the movie, I thought it was their national anthem but I found out that it was composed specifically for the movie so most Austrians have no clue what it is. There was a real Von Trapp Family and they did a lot of the things that were portrayed in the movie but according to the Austrians, only us Americans would think to make a musical out of it. The real Maria Von Trapp said that most of the movie was accurate except the part where they are hiking over the hills to escape the Nazi’s at the end of the movie. She said there was not much to sing about and no one was real happy. The Austrian's seem to be coming to grips with their culpability in cooperating with the Nazi regime and Maria is right, it is nothing to sing about.

Now if you ask an Austrian about Mozart’s piano concerto in C, then you are definitely in his or her sweet spot. It may be a bit over commercialized but the man wrote his first concerto at age 4, and you got to give him his props. He was quite amazing and Austria will never let you forget it. They even have a candy named after him, the MozartKuglen which is a ball of marzipan covered with nougat and dark chocolate, quite tasty but probably weighing in at about 1000 calories per piece.

I think the most impressive thing in Salzburg is the Hohensalzburg Fortress that sits high on the cliffs overlooking the city. The massive fortress was started around 1077 and had been added onto over the next 400 years. It is considered to be the mightiest fortress in all of central Europe and it is massive. The considerable climb up the road leading to castle is daunting enough too make anyone say "if you have seen one European castle, you have seen them all" but that didn't deter me because I had not seen this one. Only after I had gotten to the top with conisderable effort and raised my hands in a Rocky like display of sweaty accomplishment did I see the group of senior citizens getting off the tram that runs up the other side of the mountain. “Weaklings, girlie men” I yelled “a real man would have taken that hill” I screamed “Those tennis balls on the bottom of your walker look pretty new, you would have made it easy you wussies” I teased “Geez, those oxygen canisters are on wheels how much easier can they make it for you” but alas I was left to celebrate my accomplishment in solitude especially after they all turned off their hearing aids, how rude.

The UCI World Cycling Championships happened to be in Salzburg that weekend unbeknownst to me. It should have been a clue that it took me nearly four hours to find a hotel room and according to the reservation clerk when I made my reservation, I got the last room in town. So I am thinking hmmm must be a small town. I think the first clue that something was going on was when I got off the train and there were about 10 million bicyclists pedaling around all dressed up like bicycle racers. What is up with that? I mean I‘m a football fan and although some fans (not me) will wear their favorite players jerseys, you never see them put on an entire football players uniform complete with pads and the black crap under their eyes and walk around town. I don’t know much about who is or is not famous in bicycling other than Lance Armstrong but if you were in Salzburg that weekend you would have thought that the entire town was in the race. They all even walk with a certain swagger which can be attributed to arrogance, saddle sores, or those funny little shoes that clip into their pedals.

I would have brought my bike too if I had known, of course I would have taken the playing cards out of my spokes first, dead giveaway that you may not be a professional. So hundreds of thousands of people line the racecourse and wait for the riders to pass by. If you are lucky enough to be near the official start/finish line the announcer will warn you they are coming. If not and you happen to bend down to tie your shoes the racers from the lead group will zoom by you in about a nanosecond. If you bend down to tie the other shoe, the peloton or main body of racers chasing the leaders will pass by you as well. Then you are left to cheer on the poor schmucks bringing up the rear. Which isn’t so bad because these guys need all the positive re-enforcement that they can get. Then you wait around for an hour or so for the racers to circle the course again and do it all over again just don’t tie your shoes, blink, or sneeze or god only knows what you might miss. Definitely a made for TV sport. Show me the beginning, any major crashes or lead changes and the finish and I am good.

All in all Salzburg is a great city with much history and a proud heritage but there is one thing that I never found while I was there, The Salisbury Steak. I am beginning to think that this was something made up by the Swansons TV dinner people. Actually it was invented by American physician J.H. Salisbury in 1897 and was called salisbury steak during World War I to replace "hamburger steak" as a political euphemism.